To The Lady I Sat Next To This Morning

Please allow me to apologize for the offense of sitting next you this morning. I hope you will forgive me for violating your personal space which, by looking at your fetal position, seemed to be the entire car. I admit that, at 6'4", I take up some space, but I have no desire to touch you. It takes a while to commute from San Francisco to Hayward and my stomach does not like it when I was backwards so early in the morning, and I don’t feel like standing the entire time. I was freshly showered so I did not smell nearly as bad as the cheap perfume you wore. And trust me, no matter how attractive you think you are, I am a happily involved family man, so my choice to sit next to you as opposed to sitting on someone’s lap was not a sign of attraction on my part. Get over yourself. You are not so special that you are entitled to the entire car by yourself. I wanted the seat, not you.